I was accepted. I never went beyond a preliminary photo session, for a number of reasons.
Namely, I was a little embarrassed of what I looked like (Well, that and I was a member of a very strict faith that would not have taken my being a nude model lightly).
Looking back, after having had a baby... I desperately wish my body still looked that good. Not that I don't love my body, it's done some wonderful things for me. It allowed to me carry my daughter for 41 weeks, deliver her safely in to this world, nurse her for 18 months and continue to care for her. Hopefully for years to come.
But, I under appreciated its beauty and strength for many years.
My body has given me pleasure, protected me from pain and generally allowed me to live the life I have enjoyed for almost three decades.
Why I focus on my body's flaws, or at least my self-imposed idea of my body's flaws, and not the life I've been allowed to lead thanks to my body... I don't know.
I assume it's some odd combination of my own insecurities, coupled with media ideals and a heavy dose of perfectionism (handed down to me from several generations of German-OCD women).
However, with a little love and a lot of therapy, I've began to come to terms with the body I've been blessed with. By all accounts, I am a plus sized woman. Even 'skinny Jena' is still plus-sized by fashion standards. But, who cares what number is on the tag of my dress, when my body is capable of so much more than being an ornament for others enjoyment?
I hope that over the coming weeks, months or years... I can help a few more women come to terms with, and be able to love, their own bodies. The media be damned.
However, regardless of what anyone would like to imply, I am not promoting obesity. I am promoting living a healthy life. Being active and eating a diet filled with whole foods and a variety of colors... And then, beyond that, accepting who we are and not constantly putting our bodies down for not fitting a media-driven, consumer-focused ideal that is fueled with loads of starvation and Photoshop.
Let's learn to love ourselves. Love our bodies. And, value the opportunity to be here another day, regardless of size or shape.
Jena I have always thought you were a BEAUTIFUL woman. My grandmother when she was our age had a similar body type to yours and I think she was gorgeous. When I was a teen I found a photo of her when she was a student at IU in the 30s sitting next to a pool in a bathing suit and I was kind of jealous of her beautiful voluptuous body. I am glad you are starting to see yourself as beautiful as the rest of the world sees you.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and I am so happy you are comfortable in your own skin! You look awesome!!
ReplyDeletegirl you are beautiful! always have been! You've talked about before that while you were in school you felt like an outcast at times, and in general had some tough times. I think part of that was the fact that you were so pretty. I was pretty intimidated by you myself because I thought you were beautiful. You know how inseccure we all are, especially at that age!
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